When I began my professional career, I was surrounded by other young professionals my age. In many ways, it felt like an extension of college. We had regular happy hours, played in rec-league sports together, and spent weekends socializing. It was a lot of fun, and the lines between personal and professional life were often blurred. At the time, I saw family as a responsibility or obligation that held people back from building relationships and investing more time at work.
As I progressed in my career, my focus narrowed to my performance and status at work. Being single had its advantages—without outside responsibilities, I could put in longer hours and push myself harder. But on the flip side, work was all I had. My days and thoughts were consumed by it.
I measured success by my numbers at work, my ranking, and my bank account. But as those numbers grew, so did my stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. Without realizing it, I had methodically dug myself into a deep hole, and I didn’t know how to get out.
Like many, I kept telling myself, "Once I accomplish [insert the next goal], then I’ll be happy." But like a mirage in the desert, happiness remained just out of reach, replaced by new milestones to chase.
Three major changes in my life transformed that mirage into reality.
Becoming a Husband
First, I met my wife, Molly. One day, out of nowhere, she threw a ladder down into that hole and pulled me out. I was at a fork-in-the-road moment: pursue life, love, and the unknown, or continue to worship status, money, and the familiar. Obviously, I made the right decision. She snapped me out of that trance and helped me recalibrate what truly matters in life. Without her, I might never have changed.
For the first time as a professional, I had someone outside of work who mattered deeply to me. I had a reason to come home, someone else’s wants and needs to consider. We traveled, went to sporting events and shows, and had conversations that deepened our connection. It was liberating to engage in activities unrelated to my job and performance.
Becoming a Father
Second, we welcomed our first child, Grady, into our lives (and Camden not too long after). What a blessing! You’d think having a child later in life would have better prepared me, but I immediately regretted how I had led and managed parents earlier in my career. I had no idea of the responsibility, time, and energy our son would require. I was (and still am) amazed by how parents manage to juggle so much.
Also, becoming a father forced me to delegate responsibilities and tasks for the first time in my career, as I no longer had the same amount of time available for work. My partner, Selina Doran, thrived with the additional responsibilities, and to my surprise, our work improved. Furthermore, it gave Selina the opportunity to stretch and grow in ways that were incredibly valuable for her career. Her confidence and ownership soared. If only I had realized this much earlier in my career!
Becoming a Believer
Lastly, thanks in large part to the miracle of our daughter Mila, I found God. My faith in our Lord and Savior has replaced the last remnants of fear and anxiety with trust and security. I’ve also found a deeper level of connection with other believers, which has made my life and work even more meaningful.
Conclusion
All in all, becoming a husband, dad, and believer has made me a better professional in several ways. I’m more empathetic, understanding, and relatable, which has helped me become a better salesperson, leader, and consultant. I’m more efficient and able to focus on what truly matters. I’m more confident in who I am, what I believe in, and what I stand for.
Despite being busier than ever, I’ve found balance and harmony in my life. Beyond being present with my family, I'm most grateful for the opportunity to coach my kid’s teams and help teach and influence our next generation of leaders.
Thank you, Molly, for the ladder—none of this would have happened without you.
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